I really dont wanna ask a question. I just wanted to express. I am 32 year old, working in nationalised bank earning pretty good amount for self,have a loving family and have amazing friends. despite all these i never into romantic relationship or i can say into any kind of relationship. Why? I dont know, Am I afraid of intimacy or being hurt ?. I never dated anyone. Earlier i thought none is trust worthy. now i am thinking I am too late for this. I dont know, sometimes i thought of an arrange marriage, sometimes i thought of living all alone in my entire life. I feel I am waiting for the right person, But who is right person how can be judge?. My friends are asking me to take risk but what is risk in searcing for partner is not mentioned anywhere. I earlier search in dating apps but found it stupid. Now I am searching in matrimony sites that quite boring. i thing I will die virgin for sure….
puzzles of life
Hello, hope this reply finds you in good health. You know what is the best part about this entire thing that you have written? It is the fact that it clearly shows how much thought you have put into this matter, and once this is in your awareness half of the problem gets resolved. Let me tell you how.
You are a bank professional, as you said you are earning an amount that is sumptuous for your living. Let me ask you, how did you get into this profession? Or not just you, how does any body get into a profession? They get into it because they know that earning is important and to get into a job you need to work through the possible options and get yourself one. Now think about it, before you chose this profession, didn’t you feel that there are risks in choosing this job? By choosing this job you might miss out other better opportunities that you might have got, or weren’t you a bit unsure of whether you will be able to sail through this or not? Will the job keep you happy? Or will it just help you earn money? Will the role be suitable for you?
These are some risks that you might have thought of before joining, and even if you didn’t think about it back then, now when you think about it, don’t you feel like ‘yes these risks were there’? But amidst these risks, did you just decide to not take up the job and give up? No right? You took it up and that’s the reason you are here today.
Applying this to your relationship life, it’s never easy to stay with someone, I am sure there is not a single human being on earth who has not fought with the person with whom they live, be it their parents, siblings, roommate, friend, spouse, children anybody. But at the end of the day, they know that there is someone who is there beside, no matter what. You have a loving family so I am very sure you understand this already.
When you apply this to a romantic relationship, you don’t know the person from childhood, and when there are so many differences in your own family, how can we expect the person who we don’t know at all to not have these difference? It’s these differences that help people get along sometimes right? You can’t explore the entire population to find out who is your best compatible partner. But, when you start getting close to someone, you will eventually start knowing the person and trust me when I say this, nothing is too late till we are dead. Just ask yourself one thing, if you don’t open the gates to allow someone to know you, how will you understand whether the person is fit for you or not. (If you didn’t take up this job? How would you know if this job is suitable for you?)
I am sure you know every individual has a good side and a not-so-good side. When you are in a relationship, value the positives of the person, don’t ignore the negatives but try to weigh it and come to a conclusion. Are you getting more of happiness out of the positives or is the sadness overpowering because of the negatives of the person. When you understand this, you have your answer for having a healthy relationship.
Every individual is very very different from the other, and when you go and search for your answer about the risks in your relationship, trust me no website can give you the answer. Because there is no website born yet that can know the entire population and the different personalities of each and everyone. But I can assure you, until you know yourself and the fact that you want to keep yourself happy, no heartbreak or any risk can ever make you feel upset for a long run, because I’ll tell you one thing, 70%
(Not accurate stats but approx) of breakups happens because their relationship gets toxic. So when a relationship is toxic, being out of it will only give you a relief, sadness will be there but for how long? ultimately you get a better lifestyle for yourself by cutting of the toxic relationship right?
Now you reply and let me know, what max risk do you see in this? You either love someone because you absolutely love the positive sides of them so much that the negatives can be accepted somehow, or you fall out of love because the negatives starts overpowering. It’s a 50-50 chance, just like you are thinking about your risks which is 50%, you cannot completely let go of the other 50% chance of being happy with someone in the long run. At the end of it all, a relationship is a beautiful feeling, whatever you do, arranged marriage, love marriage whatever, just remember that this relationship is not all about pain and struggle and heartbreak. It’s a strength, it’s a pleasant feeling, it’s a choice of two individuals.
Hope this helps you to decide something for yourself. Wish you a very happy, successful and most importantly healthy (Physically and mentally) life ahead.
Only those people can understand your pain and worry who are in the same situation as you, who are looking for a life partner for a long time. That time we have so many doubts and uncertainty revolves around our minds. If you think positively, you may consider yourself lucky as you did not have to face any breakups and depressions because of that. You saved yourself from possibilities of getting cheated, one-sided love, etc. Now is the right time to get married as your age is also appropriate for marriage. At this age, you may not consider yourself fit for making girlfriends, time passes, etc.
As this is the right time to get married, arrange marriage option is also good for you. Risk will always be there in arrange marriage. To minimize the risk you can take some time like 4-5 months to understand the other person. You can talk, meet, discuss your opinions and likes dislikes in that period. In this way, less risk will be there. You can check how much compatibility is there.
Definitely, it’s a tedious task to search on matrimonial sites but it’s worth it if you get a good life partner. sometimes it takes years to get a good life partner. have patience and try your best. You can also go for your parent’s advice or if they have someone in their mind.
Just call and talk for few days, you will get a hint in few hours of talking also.
Sometimes God gives a very good partner when there is too much struggle in finding one.
There are so many cases, where people spent years in the struggle to find a suitable match and ultimately they got a very good match.
Don’t lose hope and keep trying and searching. Definitely, you will get the best match.
All the best for your happy and prosperous life.