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i don’t know what’s happening
PAYEL_Psychologist
Hello, hope this reply finds you with good health. I am sorry to know about your surgery and I hope you are recovering soon. I have read through your entire message and there is something I would like to convey. Firstly, let me tell you, you are very very matured. Secondly, have you ever seen a birdRead more
Hello, hope this reply finds you with good health. I am sorry to know about your surgery and I hope you are recovering soon. I have read through your entire message and there is something I would like to convey.
See lessFirstly, let me tell you, you are very very matured. Secondly, have you ever seen a bird fly? You must be thinking what stupid question is this? But I am asking you a very serious question, have you seen birds fly? I assume the answer would be yes. When they fly, do they always fly at the same height? They come down, and go up, and continue that way right?
Compare this with our lives, do you think a person can excel throughout life? Alright, if this is tough to understand, let’s go back to the time when you were constantly a good student, scoring excellent marks such that even your parents considered it something very ordinary and they stopped praising you. Did you really like that period of your life? Think about it.
From what I understood after reading it, is that no, you didn’t like it that way. Now come a little forward and think about the time when after a bad academic phase you started achieving again, how did it feel? I don’t think it felt bad at all? So as simple as this, when there is good coming in continuously, there is a bit bad which is needed in life. In fact I would say that’s the pattern of life, sometimes at it’s highest and sometimes at it’s lowest. And you can’t fight against the pattern of life right? So never blame yourself for what you are going through. Let it come the way it is coming, face it, but know that it’s not permanent.
It’s not possible to always remain on track, a slight here and there is possible and in fact sometimes good. You are a person who has found out benefit out of being bullied, trust me I really don’t think many can do that. This shows that you already know how to grab the opportunity amidst the difficulties. This is another similar phase, just a phase.
Coming to motivation. Motivation arises from needs. When we have need for something, we get motivated to achieve it. Example, I am hungry, I have a need for food, I feel like eating something good, but it’s too late to order, yet I can’t even ignore my need, so I get motivated to cook now so that I can eat and fulfill my need. So, for motivation, the first thing we need is to identify that need. You might not know what the need is, not every phase in life shows us a clear need. But this is where you need to think calmly, what is that, that you need from life, where do you see yourself in the next 3-4 years? May be you might feel I don’t see myself anywhere right now. But you are a low student, you know you are a potential candidate to save the lives of many many individuals who need a good lawyer to fight for truth, for them , for justice. See yourself from a third person’s perspective just as I am seeing you now, your need will be clearer and once the need comes there is no tip you will need for anybody to get motivation.
Coming to introversion. Introvert is a personality characteristic right? It doesn’t eventually arise in people, it is the way the person is over a long period of time. So instead of Introvert, I would like to say you are just liking to stay alone sometimes. But you said you need someone to share it with. That’s not a trait of an introvert honestly, that shows you are keen to have a friend. But are you somehow worried that what if the other person doesn’t understand me, what if the other person just starts judging me? May be these are a few reasons why you are a bit reluctant to open up to a friend right now. But trust me, everybody has or will go through such phases in life where everything might seem bleak. So whether they judge you or not, if you find that person close to you, even if it is a family member, just share your it with them. Let them understand the problem you are going through, they understand or not is secondary, the primary is that once you share, you talk about it, you get a better clarity about it. And sometimes this clarity helps you to understand yourself better and move ahead in life.
That’s all, I think it’s just way to long a response from my end. It was just important for me to let you know that don’t force yourself / don’t be harsh on yourself. It’s normal, it’s life, let it come, face it, but you are a strong person so that can’t break you down ever. You will soon rise and dream for a better future and fulfill them. The pandemic too is temporary, shall pass soon, and we all have somehow felt a disconnect amongst our friends because of this. May be, just give a call to your closest friend and share that you miss him/her. Trust me it only makes the other person feel good about themselves and about the relationship you share with them.
My purpose wasn’t to give you any advice, I only felt like sharing a few truths/facts that I felt would help you understand yourself better and take a decision for yourself. Hope me purpose it solved here. Be the strong person you are and I wish you a very successful and healthy life ahead.
puzzles of life
PAYEL_Psychologist
Hello, hope this reply finds you in good health. You know what is the best part about this entire thing that you have written? It is the fact that it clearly shows how much thought you have put into this matter, and once this is in your awareness half of the problem gets resolved. Let me tell you hoRead more
Hello, hope this reply finds you in good health. You know what is the best part about this entire thing that you have written? It is the fact that it clearly shows how much thought you have put into this matter, and once this is in your awareness half of the problem gets resolved. Let me tell you how.
You are a bank professional, as you said you are earning an amount that is sumptuous for your living. Let me ask you, how did you get into this profession? Or not just you, how does any body get into a profession? They get into it because they know that earning is important and to get into a job you need to work through the possible options and get yourself one. Now think about it, before you chose this profession, didn’t you feel that there are risks in choosing this job? By choosing this job you might miss out other better opportunities that you might have got, or weren’t you a bit unsure of whether you will be able to sail through this or not? Will the job keep you happy? Or will it just help you earn money? Will the role be suitable for you?
These are some risks that you might have thought of before joining, and even if you didn’t think about it back then, now when you think about it, don’t you feel like ‘yes these risks were there’? But amidst these risks, did you just decide to not take up the job and give up? No right? You took it up and that’s the reason you are here today.
Applying this to your relationship life, it’s never easy to stay with someone, I am sure there is not a single human being on earth who has not fought with the person with whom they live, be it their parents, siblings, roommate, friend, spouse, children anybody. But at the end of the day, they know that there is someone who is there beside, no matter what. You have a loving family so I am very sure you understand this already.
When you apply this to a romantic relationship, you don’t know the person from childhood, and when there are so many differences in your own family, how can we expect the person who we don’t know at all to not have these difference? It’s these differences that help people get along sometimes right? You can’t explore the entire population to find out who is your best compatible partner. But, when you start getting close to someone, you will eventually start knowing the person and trust me when I say this, nothing is too late till we are dead. Just ask yourself one thing, if you don’t open the gates to allow someone to know you, how will you understand whether the person is fit for you or not. (If you didn’t take up this job? How would you know if this job is suitable for you?)
I am sure you know every individual has a good side and a not-so-good side. When you are in a relationship, value the positives of the person, don’t ignore the negatives but try to weigh it and come to a conclusion. Are you getting more of happiness out of the positives or is the sadness overpowering because of the negatives of the person. When you understand this, you have your answer for having a healthy relationship.
Every individual is very very different from the other, and when you go and search for your answer about the risks in your relationship, trust me no website can give you the answer. Because there is no website born yet that can know the entire population and the different personalities of each and everyone. But I can assure you, until you know yourself and the fact that you want to keep yourself happy, no heartbreak or any risk can ever make you feel upset for a long run, because I’ll tell you one thing, 70%
(Not accurate stats but approx) of breakups happens because their relationship gets toxic. So when a relationship is toxic, being out of it will only give you a relief, sadness will be there but for how long? ultimately you get a better lifestyle for yourself by cutting of the toxic relationship right?
Now you reply and let me know, what max risk do you see in this? You either love someone because you absolutely love the positive sides of them so much that the negatives can be accepted somehow, or you fall out of love because the negatives starts overpowering. It’s a 50-50 chance, just like you are thinking about your risks which is 50%, you cannot completely let go of the other 50% chance of being happy with someone in the long run. At the end of it all, a relationship is a beautiful feeling, whatever you do, arranged marriage, love marriage whatever, just remember that this relationship is not all about pain and struggle and heartbreak. It’s a strength, it’s a pleasant feeling, it’s a choice of two individuals.
Hope this helps you to decide something for yourself. Wish you a very happy, successful and most importantly healthy (Physically and mentally) life ahead.
Payel.
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