Breakup advice

Many of us have experienced it. We expected this relationship to last forever. We saw a future with this person, we trusted this person, we invested in this relationship, and we had a lot of fun. But, for whatever reason, the relationship is no longer working. And now we’re back at square one, single, lonely, and yearning. After a breakup, we often feel miserable and heartbroken, full of worry and dread. How can we make the breakup as easy on ourselves as possible while still dealing as much as we need to?

Some argue that there is nothing more painful than the aftermath of a breakup, and that healing takes time.
Mourning the good times is a completely normal part of grieving the end of a relationship; however, thinking only about the good times can actually make getting over the relationship more difficult. Thinking about the good times and fantasies of what could have been can skew one’s perspective on the relationship, allowing fantasy to overtake reality.

– Consider Your Dreams And Their Emotional Impact :
Begin to notice when you are thinking about the relationship and track your feelings of heartbreak after a breakup. What happens to your thoughts? How often do you find yourself watching the “highlight reel” and fantasizing about what could have been? Most importantly, how does it make you feel?
If you notice that your fantasies about what could have been are making you feel worse, this is a sign that they are impeding your healing. The more we think about something, the more it becomes ingrained in our minds.

– Concentrate On The Difficulties To Let Go
“Let it go,” or “get over it,” is one of the most overused phrases well-meaning friends say in times of loss. To begin with, this advice is sometimes perceived as insensitive. After all, if you could “let it go” so easily, wouldn’t you? Nonetheless, many of us desire to do so. Let go. But we just don’t know how.
The best way to encourage the process of letting go is to become more aware of how you want to let go of the relationship.

As soothing as the “highlight reel” can be, it seldom encompasses the realities that likely played a key role in the relationship ending. Focusing on what was negative about the relationship allows you to begin integrating the relationship as a whole.

Even if you’re not ready to let go… Set the tone for your upcoming relationship.
The ultimate litmus test for letting go of a relationship is being prepared for a better one. You don’t have to wait until you’re ready to set the tone, either. Even if you aren’t ready to start dating again, you can use the above process to think about what you want in a future relationship. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Make a list of everything you’ve learned from your previous relationship.
2. Write down how you want to act differently in your next relationship.
3. Describe the type of person who would be a good match for you and who you would prefer in a relationship.

Write out anything else you’d ideally like to have in a relationship, in light of the fantasies and realities from the previous relationship.
Make it real by talking it out with a trusted confidante.

Yes, dealing with the pieces that fall apart after a breakup is difficult, and it is a process of re-balancing your heart and your head that takes time and effort, but believe it or not, you will be able to let go of feeling heartbroken after a breakup.

As much as falling in love is about losing awareness of our beloved’s flaws, falling out of love is about re-emphasizing those flaws and recognizing how untenable they were. Working through fantasies and being honest about realities will eventually lead to you being stronger in general and specifically preparing you for your next, better relationship.