I am a first year law student, currently studying in one of the top 5 National Law Universities of India. What exactly is my problem- i can only explain it after giving a brief overview of what happened with me in the past three years of my school life. I have always been one of the toppers in my school but never actually felt that i deserved any of the appreciation that i got. Also, my parents got so used to it that they stopped praising me for whatever i achieved. When i was 13years old, i was extremely bullied by my batchmates which actually had a positive impact on me. I wanted to stand out from that rudy crowd so i focused only on my academics. neither boys nor gossips or any other trash could distract me. i was extremely strong willed. when i was in 10th, my family had a legal dispute due to which all of us were extremely disturbed but i did not let anything pull me down. i focused on my academics and stood 7th in my school when the board results came. But something in me changed when i came in 11th standard. I became weak, extremely weak, both mentally and physically. I just changed completely. my self confidence was bottom low. I used to think that i looked like a monster, that i was hideous, a lowsy good for nothing. My grades touched a bottom low, i barely passed in my subjects. My parents were extremely upset due to me. Everything around me was just negative, I was negative. But then one day my guy friend came and told me that i was waisting away my time and should do something productive. For some reasons known to me, that statement literally hit me hard. I started studying again. Again i started coming first in all the sections and then decided to prepare for Law exam along with my 12th. Many people, including my teachers dissuaded me since according to them it will all amount to an extreme burden. But i studied hard for both of them and when the board results came( during the pandemic), i was declared the school topper! i had scored 98%. Obviously everyone was proud of me. but the problem started after it. I knew i had the capability to get Air 1 in the CLAT and Ailet exam but out of nowhere i got addicted to porn. I had never seen it and the very thought brought me shivers and goosebumps but nevertheless i got addicted and became extremely depressed. I stopped studying for CLAT and AILET. Luckily, my base was so strong that i still got an AIR 400 so did get into one of the best NLUs but not the best :/ I still regret it. Still, i was happy atleast since i had lost all hope from myself. But now, nothing is going right. I am again weak, mentally. I even had a surgery and am still recovering from it. I have stopped studying and bunk almost every online class. My parents are dissapointed with me but right now i feel as if i cannot do anything. I am again so low in self confidence. I am such an introvert that i cannot even talk on the phone, even if it is my friends. I have stopped talking to my friends because they have nothing good to talk about. Their mental level is extremely low. Talking about my college friends, i barely have any. I do not socialise with anyone, do not pick calls of anyone. I just don’t do anything. It honestly feels as if i am a dead meat. What i want to do whole day is watch korean dramas. I cannot believe i am saying this but i genuinely want a close friend since anyday now i can literraly burst into an explosion. what can i do to motivate my self? I cannot go anywhere due to COVID and my surgery. I can’t eat junk food due to my health. I just don’t feel like doing anything. Everyday i’m being more and more introvert. i want to increase my confidence. right now, i am again flustered. I won’t say i’m depressed, that is a big cliche term, it is just that i am not motivated. Kindly help me.