I am a first year law student, currently studying in one of the top 5 National Law Universities of India. What exactly is my problem- i can only explain it after giving a brief overview of what happened with me in the past three years of my school life. I have always been one of the toppers in my school but never actually felt that i deserved any of the appreciation that i got. Also, my parents got so used to it that they stopped praising me for whatever i achieved. When i was 13years old, i was extremely bullied by my batchmates which actually had a positive impact on me. I wanted to stand out from that rudy crowd so i focused only on my academics. neither boys nor gossips or any other trash could distract me. i was extremely strong willed. when i was in 10th, my family had a legal dispute due to which all of us were extremely disturbed but i did not let anything pull me down. i focused on my academics and stood 7th in my school when the board results came. But something in me changed when i came in 11th standard. I became weak, extremely weak, both mentally and physically. I just changed completely. my self confidence was bottom low. I used to think that i looked like a monster, that i was hideous, a lowsy good for nothing. My grades touched a bottom low, i barely passed in my subjects. My parents were extremely upset due to me. Everything around me was just negative, I was negative. But then one day my guy friend came and told me that i was waisting away my time and should do something productive. For some reasons known to me, that statement literally hit me hard. I started studying again. Again i started coming first in all the sections and then decided to prepare for Law exam along with my 12th. Many people, including my teachers dissuaded me since according to them it will all amount to an extreme burden. But i studied hard for both of them and when the board results came( during the pandemic), i was declared the school topper! i had scored 98%. Obviously everyone was proud of me. but the problem started after it. I knew i had the capability to get Air 1 in the CLAT and Ailet exam but out of nowhere i got addicted to porn. I had never seen it and the very thought brought me shivers and goosebumps but nevertheless i got addicted and became extremely depressed. I stopped studying for CLAT and AILET. Luckily, my base was so strong that i still got an AIR 400 so did get into one of the best NLUs but not the best :/ I still regret it. Still, i was happy atleast since i had lost all hope from myself. But now, nothing is going right. I am again weak, mentally. I even had a surgery and am still recovering from it. I have stopped studying and bunk almost every online class. My parents are dissapointed with me but right now i feel as if i cannot do anything. I am again so low in self confidence. I am such an introvert that i cannot even talk on the phone, even if it is my friends. I have stopped talking to my friends because they have nothing good to talk about. Their mental level is extremely low. Talking about my college friends, i barely have any. I do not socialise with anyone, do not pick calls of anyone. I just don’t do anything. It honestly feels as if i am a dead meat. What i want to do whole day is watch korean dramas. I cannot believe i am saying this but i genuinely want a close friend since anyday now i can literraly burst into an explosion. what can i do to motivate my self? I cannot go anywhere due to COVID and my surgery. I can’t eat junk food due to my health. I just don’t feel like doing anything. Everyday i’m being more and more introvert. i want to increase my confidence. right now, i am again flustered. I won’t say i’m depressed, that is a big cliche term, it is just that i am not motivated. Kindly help me.
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PAYEL_Psychologist
Hello, hope this reply finds you with good health. I am sorry to know about your surgery and I hope you are recovering soon. I have read through your entire message and there is something I would like to convey.
Firstly, let me tell you, you are very very matured. Secondly, have you ever seen a bird fly? You must be thinking what stupid question is this? But I am asking you a very serious question, have you seen birds fly? I assume the answer would be yes. When they fly, do they always fly at the same height? They come down, and go up, and continue that way right?
Compare this with our lives, do you think a person can excel throughout life? Alright, if this is tough to understand, let’s go back to the time when you were constantly a good student, scoring excellent marks such that even your parents considered it something very ordinary and they stopped praising you. Did you really like that period of your life? Think about it.
From what I understood after reading it, is that no, you didn’t like it that way. Now come a little forward and think about the time when after a bad academic phase you started achieving again, how did it feel? I don’t think it felt bad at all? So as simple as this, when there is good coming in continuously, there is a bit bad which is needed in life. In fact I would say that’s the pattern of life, sometimes at it’s highest and sometimes at it’s lowest. And you can’t fight against the pattern of life right? So never blame yourself for what you are going through. Let it come the way it is coming, face it, but know that it’s not permanent.
It’s not possible to always remain on track, a slight here and there is possible and in fact sometimes good. You are a person who has found out benefit out of being bullied, trust me I really don’t think many can do that. This shows that you already know how to grab the opportunity amidst the difficulties. This is another similar phase, just a phase.
Coming to motivation. Motivation arises from needs. When we have need for something, we get motivated to achieve it. Example, I am hungry, I have a need for food, I feel like eating something good, but it’s too late to order, yet I can’t even ignore my need, so I get motivated to cook now so that I can eat and fulfill my need. So, for motivation, the first thing we need is to identify that need. You might not know what the need is, not every phase in life shows us a clear need. But this is where you need to think calmly, what is that, that you need from life, where do you see yourself in the next 3-4 years? May be you might feel I don’t see myself anywhere right now. But you are a low student, you know you are a potential candidate to save the lives of many many individuals who need a good lawyer to fight for truth, for them , for justice. See yourself from a third person’s perspective just as I am seeing you now, your need will be clearer and once the need comes there is no tip you will need for anybody to get motivation.
Coming to introversion. Introvert is a personality characteristic right? It doesn’t eventually arise in people, it is the way the person is over a long period of time. So instead of Introvert, I would like to say you are just liking to stay alone sometimes. But you said you need someone to share it with. That’s not a trait of an introvert honestly, that shows you are keen to have a friend. But are you somehow worried that what if the other person doesn’t understand me, what if the other person just starts judging me? May be these are a few reasons why you are a bit reluctant to open up to a friend right now. But trust me, everybody has or will go through such phases in life where everything might seem bleak. So whether they judge you or not, if you find that person close to you, even if it is a family member, just share your it with them. Let them understand the problem you are going through, they understand or not is secondary, the primary is that once you share, you talk about it, you get a better clarity about it. And sometimes this clarity helps you to understand yourself better and move ahead in life.
That’s all, I think it’s just way to long a response from my end. It was just important for me to let you know that don’t force yourself / don’t be harsh on yourself. It’s normal, it’s life, let it come, face it, but you are a strong person so that can’t break you down ever. You will soon rise and dream for a better future and fulfill them. The pandemic too is temporary, shall pass soon, and we all have somehow felt a disconnect amongst our friends because of this. May be, just give a call to your closest friend and share that you miss him/her. Trust me it only makes the other person feel good about themselves and about the relationship you share with them.
My purpose wasn’t to give you any advice, I only felt like sharing a few truths/facts that I felt would help you understand yourself better and take a decision for yourself. Hope me purpose it solved here. Be the strong person you are and I wish you a very successful and healthy life ahead.
white crow
Thank you so much! i will surely keep all of this in mind. After reading this, i am actually feeling quite good 🙂
Shaista Ansari
Hi friend,
Thanks for posting your issues in this forum. As you described, it seems a deep-rooted cause since your childhood. Because of that, again and again, you are facing the same kind of problems. Your symptoms are like a sort of depression only, which is catching you again and again. Also as you mentioned that you are an introvert and feel awkward in social interactions, there might be a social anxiety issue. There is a lack of self-worth, motivation, confidence, self-love inside you.
It would be best if you take counseling sessions with good therapists/counselors as there are deep-rooted issues inside you that need to be cured as soon as possible. It’s really important to cure the issues while they are small because, in the long run, these things may go worse and out of control.
There are some good websites where you can take online sessions.
https://yourdost.com/
https://www.manastha.com/
https://www.cure.fit/mind/therapy
and many more, just Google.
Apart from that, it’s really important to get out of your comfort zone, increase your will power and motivate yourself every day. Try to take small steps, I know it’s hard for you, but still, be brave, don’t listen to your heart, just get up and start taking classes, focus on your studies. Try to talk to your friends and parents about your issues. At least talk to your parents in detail and discuss all these issues with them. They will understand definitely.
Try to write a journal about your thoughts. You will feel relaxed after doing that.
Watch motivational videos on youtube, pick up some hobby and start working on that daily.
Try to do physical exercise daily if possible like walking, jogging, stretching, running or any other kind of exercise for at least 15 mins daily. Start with 5 mins if you can get enough motivation to do it.
It’s really important to spend your time in natural surroundings. Go to any park or field, sit quietly, and observe nature.
In this condition, Yoga and meditation are really helpful. Take the help of youtube in learning yoga and meditation.
I will certainly recommend some meditations and affirmations to you which you should do as soon as you wake up. If you push yourself and do these regularly, you will definitely get results. i know it’s hard to find the motivation to do all these things.
Affirmations and guided meditations can be done anytime in a day. Preferably morning time and at the time of sleeping. Use headphones for both.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm1PrIQ1VmHHXAc8UlZTS9Q
this is a very good youtube channel. The name is Rising higher.
other videos:
You can also try hypnotherapy with a good therapist.
Wishing you all the best and a healthy future.
TC…..
white crow
Thank you so much!