Art of Saying “No”
That’s true both at work and in personal relationships. When a colleague asks you to take on a project you don’t have the bandwidth for, pushing back without leaving them feeling rebuffed is a valuable skill.
Likewise, when you get an invite you’re just not up for, knowing how to say no politely keeps
things from getting awkward.
- Cushion it with kindness or a compliment.
A favorite of grandmothers everywhere, this is the classic “I love you, but no.” The idea is to give the recipient a few words to feel good about despite the rejection, like so:
Example: This sounds like a great opportunity, but I have to pass. Thank you for considering me!
Example: Your proposal is intriguing and I’m glad you brought it up, but it’s not a good fit for us.
That last phrase borrows from a longtime contributor to the venerable New Yorker, John McPhee, whose turndown of choice was as mild as it is brief: “Not for us.”
- Offer an alternative.
While your answer might be no, in the interest of courtesy, occasionally you’ll want to help out the recipient in some other way—by suggesting another time or a different option, perhaps.
Example: I can’t make the senator available for an interview before your deadline, but I’m happy to put you in touch with our chief of staff. She can give background on our policy if that’s helpful to your story.
- Let The Boss Decide
If your boss asks you to do something, your workplace survival instinct should prevent you from saying, “No, can’t. Sorry.” Instead, let them decide whether the answer is no or yes. For example, if they send you a Slack message asking you to add last month’s figures into the company’s CRM system, you could say something like:
- If this is what you want me to prioritize, I will get right on it. However, this means that I won’t be able to get XYZ done for tomorrow afternoon. Please advise.
You’re not saying NO (smart career move) but your boss is getting the same message. Adding a new task will subtract from something you’re already doing.
- The three-step technique– acknowledging another person’s concerns while politely, but forcefully, stating your own point of view. The three steps should be completed in thirty seconds or less and be executed with a calm even tone of voice, steady eye contact, and an upright, relaxed posture. The steps are:
(1) Summarise the other person’s views
(2) Give your view, and
(3) Suggest an Action
For example… (1) “I understand that you want the Budget Figures by Friday so you can present them at the Board Meeting (2) However I am fully committed to collating the Project Updates (3) So I suggest that you ask Jane to do it instead.”
- Workable Compromise– focusing on the common ground and being flexible enough to adapt our position to ensure that everyone gets at least some of what they want.
For example, “OK I’ll complete the Budget Figures by Friday, as long as you agree that the Project Updates can be delayed by a week.”
In the end, remember, it’s your right to say no. It doesn’t mean you’re exercising some sort of immutable ego trip. It means you’re saying “no” because the proposed ask doesn’t suit your schedule or beliefs – and that’s okay.
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